quinta-feira, 17 de dezembro de 2009

I have dreamt of you again Lea. Well, at least I’ve had one more dream I can remember, for I don’t know how many times I’ve dreamt of you. This time I was with a friend (can’t remember who) in some sort of ruined ancient Roman village that reminded me Erculanum, in Italy. Initially I was in a high position and I looked down to the village. It was small, cornered by a rapid stream, and I begun walking down a stairway to reach the streets. When I finally did I found myself amidst a graveyard full of tiny gravestones. It was very ancient, covered with wild vegetation, and I felt like a giant in there, afraid of stepping something important. By that time I was alone in there, and the sound of the stream was louder.

Suddenly I turned my eyes to the part of the village closest to the water stream and, sitting over a ruined wall and facing the water, there you were, beautiful and alone, as I remember you from some of my cherished memories of Latvia! After an initial shock, and somehow knowing I was not allowed to talk to you or get any closer, I surrounded you and leaned myself, silent and once again with a friend, to a wall right in front of you. I remember having told the person I was with that you were still my love, that you looked just like I remember you and that I missed you as I never knew I could miss someone. I also felt a deep sadness not to be able to reach you and hold you.

You never looked at me during that dream. Instead, you lowered your eyes to the ground and all I could do was catching brief glimpses of your familiar face, as the breeze rearranged the hair hiding your expression from me. I then woke up. It was brief, it was sad, it was painful, but it was also the best I can expect from my life now.

It’s almost Christmas again. A year has almost passed since I went to Slovakia to spend Christmas with you. I don’t miss you more now Lea, but I miss you specially. I love you still, I'll love you always.