Hello Lea, my princess. My days now are kind of strange; my life is an almost perfect mess. Lately there’s always some new, unimagined and unexpected, reason for sorrow. I feel dizzy sometimes, nauseated, and some of those bad things that have been happening to me and to people with whom I have a connection almost make want to laugh like crazy! I can’t understand this, but I’m starting to feel disgusted. It’s like I’m losing my mind, although I know I am not; I feel like a sane person living in a surrealist reality! I live in a place where I don’t belong; this is very far from anything I would conceive as fiction! This is bad fiction, it can’t be real, although if I cut myself the wound bleeds, and it still hurts... and so I’m well awake.

All the bad things happening made me feel someone has made some kind of pact with the devil on my behalf, without me knowing, and now the time has finally come for me to repay it! But that’s not true also. I never made any sort of pact, and if I did I would never have chosen to live life the way I’ve been doing; it would have been better, much better. Nothing great, or lasting, as ever happened to justify some sort o pact, but sometimes I feel I’m being punished; sometimes I feel that, for some reason, I’m paying back something. I feel I’m paying for something I didn’t get, although I have never had anything more but my imagination! In Slovakia I felt safer than I do here. In Slovakia I didn’t felt so lonely; I could always find you! You are not here...

I love you Lea. I miss you, always...