quarta-feira, 11 de março de 2009

Hello Lea, my love. Today is my last day in Banská Bystrica. Tomorrow I will leave Slovakia, and so today I went to see you one more time in Vlkanová. I left you a little angel over your tombstone, to keep you company. I hope you like it, she’s not as pretty as you, but she’s pretty alright.

My mind is a mess again, you know why. And physically I’m not been feeling well also. Even walking is painful sometimes. I just feel so tired of everything. I remember wishing you wouldn't feel cold in there...

Sometimes some thoughts, some memories, come into my mind. But many of those memories immediately disappear, even before I can see them clearly, even before I can remind the entire moment, of when and where they happened. I’m caught in a web of emotions, some good and some bad, and sometimes I even have the feeling that some of those emotions do not belong to me.

I know I should remember only what you have told me, that you loved me, that you missed me in bed in the morning when you wake up, that you wanted to live with me somewhere. I know that, but unfortunately other things also come to the surface sometimes, blurring everything.

How come you loved someone so messed up as I am will always be a mystery to me, and a miracle also. I thank you for that and for all the good things you made me feel. You made me realize that maybe I deserve love, and that maybe love is all that matters in this world. But who's going to love me, now you're gone? Maybe I just need time, my precious angel. Maybe something good will happen.

Here I am at the table next to your photograph, drinking one last beer with you in my heart, trying to say goodbye. I will return as soon as I can. I love you, never forget that. I miss you so much…