Sometimes I think of you now and I imagine you as a little girl, alone, scared, lost… I imagine you happy when someone visits you, I imagine you smiling when someone talks to you, I imagine you curious when someone offers you something… But then I think of you being left alone again, in the dark, in the cold, with no-one to talk with you, with no-one to do you some company, with no-one to hold your hand if you get scared. Your road must be such a lonely one Lea… Unfortunately no-one can do it with you, and I’m sure you know I would be right by your side if I could. Today I imagined you smiling when I left that little angel in your grave and stood there for a little bit talking to you, but then I had to go, and that must have been a shock for you, that must have hurt you, and for that I’m so sorry Lea. I am so, so sorry. I miss you so much, my love. This world will never be the same without you here. This kind of thing should only happen when people get older, more prepared – if that’s possible –, and with more experience as to what life really is all about.

Sometimes every shining little inert thing makes me remind you and realize I’ll never see your shining eyes again, I’ll never hear your beautiful calm voice again, I’ll never hear your quiet laughter again, I’ll never feel the touch of your skin in mine, your lips in mine, your hair itching my nose again… You will never love me again, you just can’t anymore, and sometimes I think of a little girl, alone, lost, scared of the dark, not wanting to be alone, and I just feel so guilty for loving you so much and not being able to do anything. This is not fair to anyone Lea. I take no pleasure from living in a world without you. It will never be the same, for I have known you; for I have loved and have been loved by you… I love too much to be here without you, I think. I miss you too much, and I just can’t believe in any of this…